Saturday, December 06, 2008

They can't see me...but they never did.

Over the last few days, I have eliminated a lot of the social networks I have been on. Some of them were helping me, but most were where I was helping others. There wasn't a good balance.

After volunteering all day at a fundraiser, I sat thinking about why my businesses weren't flourishing. I could have blamed it all the enemy and his army. I could have blamed it on having too many good ideas at one time. I didn't blame anything or any spirit. I looked at where I was so many years ago, a little over 20 to be exact, and how I one major gift God gave me, no one, close to me, heard.

My singing voice.

I remember being in one of the most elite choirs in High School. You couldn't just sing, you had to sang!!! For 3 years, twice a year, our group had major concerts. We were the bomb!!! Either way, no one attended one concert.

I understood then as I understand now; everyone has their own life and it doesn't include anyone they don't want. What I mean is, when people decide that others aren't as important as self, those people become nonexistent even if they are right in your face. So what do you do? Push the issue? No. Do you get upset about it. move on. There is nothing you can change about what a person desires to have in their life or who the want to help.

I have pushed my 'servant hood' to the limits by giving all of me to the people I know online. I love helping people. That part of me will never change. Yet, while I am helping them, what am I doing for myself. Nothing, but realized the truth behind the failure.

Twenty odd years ago, no one saw how delighted I was to be in this choir and how I wanted someone to come and support me as a teen. Here I am now, present day, and it is the same thing. I don't regret any of my choices for in life. i realize that they didn't see me then and they don't want to see me now.

Bitterness will never hold me back from sharing the gifts and talents God has given me, but I will keep this new found knowledge in front of my minds eye. Those that I wanted to see me will never see me with they eyes they had then, which are the same ones they have now. They will only see me with new eyes enlightened by the Lord.

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